Coming and going

Time is an interesting thing, do you know that? You probably do. And at this point you may have even accepted it.

But me? I'm not sure, not yet anyway, how I feel about it.  

Time is my best friend, and my worst enemy; always on my side, never giving me enough (as if it couldn't get more cliché than that.) But in all seriousness, it really doesn't feel like there will ever be enough time anymore. Not like when I was younger and it seemed so infinite. It was something I would forever have; something SO abundant it couldn't possibly run out. When you're little you don't see further than a few years, anything beyond that is unfathomable and full of wonder. The older I get the less unimaginable it becomes, and the more I start to sound like my parents, and the parents before them. I've begun to register the impermanence of it all, and I am filled with an internal battle:

The desire to "make the most of it" vs. a lack of energy to do anything because I'm grieving the loss of my youthful naivety. 

Oh what I would give to be (insert your fondest age) again.  

Time... My ally and enemy. What is that called?  What is used to describe something like that? 

Is it a fairweather friend?  

No. Not really... because time still hangs around even when things are bad.

Is it ambiguous? No. Time can be good, and bad, and even neutral on occasion, but it is always definitive enough to avoid ambiguity. The same reasoning applies to why I wouldn't consider time to be a double edged sword. That verbiage sounds inherently negative, and, after all, time does give us some positive things. 

So what is it then, when something is good and bad? When something gives you hope and lets you down... ?

Sounds a lot like human nature.  

It's funny to me that we are all at times mercy, and yet we become her, in the end... 

I guess, when you really think about it, we were always time. From the beginning of our existence until the very end, we are a physical representation. Moving fast and slow. Aging the earth. Aging each other. Changing the world for the good, for the bad. Learning. Failing. Winning. Losing. Loving. Hurting. Dreaming. Dying. 

And always ending up where we started, from nothing, into nothing... All the while hoping that whatever things we do will at least make a little difference; that they will be remembered, for all the new times to come. 

-JAW